Yes, this is silly, but it’s fun, especially if you are a Pacman fan. What better way to pass time at work than with Google Pacman? Google is rarely blocked at the office
Yes, this is silly, but it’s fun, especially if you are a Pacman fan. What better way to pass time at work than with Google Pacman? Google is rarely blocked at the office
What do YOU think Justin’s new crown means? Whatever it is, we love it!
We all know Justin Bieber‘s body is a work of art, and now it seems he’s added something new to his canvas! “New tattoo its a crown if you couldn’t tell,” Justin tweeted Aug. 31 to his 27 million+ followers, along with a shirtless picture of himself in bed.
Of course, this isn’t Justin’s first tattoo.
Back in Jan. 2012, Justin revealed a giant tattoo of Jesus’ face on his left calf during a trip to the beach, sending fans into a frenzy. And earlier this summer, Justin got the Japanese symbol for “music” tattooed on his right arm. And those are only a few of Justin’s tats! We can’t wait to find out what Justin’s girlfriend Selena Gomez thinks of his fresh crown — but in the mean time, what do YOU think of Justin’s tattoo?
Kids have it nice here in the future. What with their hover boards, hover ponies and hover texting. They get their whole lives handed to them on a silver platter (that hovers).
It wasn’t always so easy. Back in the day, people had only one reason to produce offspring: To force them to do the abhorrently awful work no grown person would dare to. And if you think child labor didn’t get any worse than dirty-faced children in Victorian shoe factories, well, you apparently haven’t heard about…
Oh, man. You know by the name this isn’t going to end well. Castrati.
The thing is, today the theater struggles to retain audiences. In fact, the only thing that draws folks back to the aging whore that is the stage is the chance to see live, 3D nudity. And even that’s getting quickly replaced.
Your move, Shakespeare.
But the 1600s were a different time. A time when hookers were honest and the stages were free from all those icky, heathen women. In fact, no woman was allowed in the choir or stage production in the 17th century. Theater houses were like those ball pits at McDonald’s… you know, if those little plastic balls were actual balls.
Nonetheless, playwrights and composers kept writing female parts. To keep the songs from sounding like a barbershop quartet comprised of bulky Hungarian dudes, the choir masters would give the womanly roles or alto parts to prepubescent boys. And, every so often, one talented scamp’s melodious voice would catch the master’s ear and become the prize pupil.
But of course, all good things come to an end. Flowers bloom, caterpillars turn into beautiful butterflies and boys go through the often traumatizing experience of puberty.
Just ask Macaulay Culkin.
But for those boys whose sopranos were sweet enough to make a mob boss weep, a minor surgery could preserve their voice, joining them to the ranks of the castrati. In fact, 70 percent of stage performers in the 17th century were castrati.
A fad that reappeared in the 1970s.
And how did one become an illustrious member of the castrati? You already guessed, you just won’t admit it to yourself. It was via the process of cutting blood supply to the testicles, or more commonly amputating them altogether.
How did they perform such an invasive–and not to mention traumatizing–surgery on a six- to 12-year-old kid? By giving them a bath. They simply soaked them in a tub of water to soften them up, and then performed the surgery when they were rendered unconscious. We assume the unconscious part came from telling the seven-year-old that they were not, in fact, receiving candy for this public bathing but actually getting their balls chopped off.
Then castrati might hope for a good 10 year run as a performer, after which the boy would only be 17 and rethinking the long term strategy of a castration career. Of course, settling down and getting married wasn’t an option, unless the boy could find that one in a million girl turned on by non-existent erections.
I think I just felt- no nevermind. Just a breeze.
Eventually, castratis fell out of fashion in the late 1700s, not because of the ridiculously brutal violence visited upon little boys, but because the Italian soap opera plots they performed in became too silly to watch. The audiences didn’t mind the castrations; it was the authenticity of the scripts that turned them off. Hear that, M. Night Shyamalan? No amount of castrated boys could save your films from sucking.
Coal remains one of the most vital sources of energy the world over, but mining the stuff continues to be an ugly, incredibly dangerous business. So picture how rough it was prior to the 20th century when coal provided virtually the only power source, and the height of safety technology involved ropes, carts and yelling, “Run!” when stuff blew up.
Or if they were really rad, they would simply walk away calmly.
You couldn’t imagine worse working conditions. Explosions, shaft cave-ins, asphyxiation, black lung; it was all in a day’s work for Ye Old coal miners. To put it in perspective, we have more than once left work early because we felt “itchy.”
Of course, the only way to ensure any measure of safety and success back then was to rely on the most experienced and well-trained coal miners. Or children. Yeah, screw it, children will do.
They would have used bunnies, but they were resistant to learn the trade.
From ages as young as four, children were employed in the art of hurrying: pulling giant sled loads of coal through tiny shafts. Children made perfect carriers because their short stature allowed them to crawl around two foot tunnels in the bowels of the Earth for 12 hours a shift. You might wonder why midgets were not employed. Because midgets are people too, jerk.
Evil, evil, little people.
Oh, and did we mention the children were often forced to do the work naked? Perhaps clothes were forbidden because loose articles might catch on shaft walls. Or perhaps the idea of a fully-clothed child crawling on their belly in an ink black hole deep underground came off as too dignified.
The fact is, there was no physical need for mine shafts to be constructed that small, and therefore no need to employ children. Building shafts over 24-inches wide just cost more. It’s simple Supply and Demand: people kept supplying disposable children, and mining companies kept demanding those kids to shimmy their little asses down the scary, dark hell mouth.
If Hollywood taught us anything about life at sea it’s that it’s rough, dirty and a little sexually ambiguous. If you were a strapping young lad in the 18th or 19th century and wanted to experience life on the high seas firsthand, you simply volunteered for the position of Loblolly Boy.
Alternatively, be in a Disney movie.
Considered the lowliest position on the boat, a Loblolly’s day included serving food and cleaning medical instruments. Oh, and cleaning up blood and severed limbs.
See, the Loblolly played the roles of janitor, waiter and nurse on a ship. The position’s name derived from the name of a thick oatmeal gruel or porridge, perhaps with a bit of meat or some vegetables in it that the boy was in charge of serving. The Loblolly stew was also called spoon meat but likely no one wanted a “Spoon Meat Boy” on board.
First, there was the simple job of cleaning, which sounds like fine entry-level work, except it mainly consisted of cleaning up motion-sick rider’s barf and throwing sand over the blood and guts covering the deck during a battle.
“Mind the wet floor, gentlemen. Don’t slip and hurt yourselves.”
But even that had to be less traumatizing than the Loblolly’s role as assistant to the ship surgeon, considering this wasn’t exactly the days of blue scrubs and sterile operating rooms. The job included collecting up amputated limbs, pouring hot tar on wounds and cleaning bed pans.
We’re going to guess that there were more than a few “mercy” killings.
And the reward at the end of a good day’s work was a punch in the face. Probably.
You’ve probably heard somebody use the term “whipping boy” to mean “scapegoat” or a guy who repeatedly takes the punishment for somebody else’s screw-up. But once again, a term that serves as a ridiculous mental image in today’s society was real life in the Middle Ages.
It was an odd time.
Being born in medieval Europe was like playing the world’s worst game of womb-roulette. That’s just like Russian roulette, if you replaced the bullet with a life of poverty and pestilence–and instead of only one guy at the table getting hit, you all did. Surprise! Live to 30 and you were a hero; live to 50 and you were burned at the stake for being a witch.
“He’s trying to blow out the flames. Get him!”
Unless you were popped out by a queen and had a penis. Life as a prince was pretty sweet. Then there were the rags-to-riches stories of the lucky common boy chosen to live a life of luxury with the prince, employed as a full time buddy. Kind of like Pretty Woman, but replace Julia Roberts with Danny DeVito. And for this privileged life, all the “lucky” boy had to do was take physical beatings for all the prince’s wrongdoings.
Back in the 17th century, people believed the body of a prince, like that of the king, was sacred and could not be harmed. So what to do when the sacred vessel was acting like a royal prick? The answer: Whip the prince’s friend while he watched.
The practice started with King James the First, who instructed a peasant whipped for his son Charles’s crimes–clearly demonstrating both his authority and complete lack of understanding of little boys’ sociopathic nature. While the royalty assumed the young prince would learn his lesson after watching his only companion take violence for the prince’s own misdeeds, more likely the royal shit assumed the position of a unfuckwithable little tyrant with no regard for the pain and suffering of others. But history clearly shows this is just a phase they grow out of toward becoming benevolent and perfectly reasonable rulers.
OK wait, chimney sweeps are just adorable, cockney-throated, soot-smudged rapscallions given to dance and song. Getting dirty, dancing and playing, what’s not for children to like?
Well, for starters, during the chimney sweeping heyday in Victorian London, it was legal to simply pick up vagrant children and force them to work for you.
There was a whole litter of them in a free box in front of the drug store.
Once a master sweep collected his slave orphans, it was time to put them to work. The children climbed up the chimney flue, scrubbing as they went. The job wasn’t done until their heads stuck out of the chimney like an adorably mistreated groundhog. Constant exposure to soot could lead to lung cancer, while many children would slip and fall to their deaths. Get stuck? Just hang tight until you fall to your death. For those reluctant to climb to higher more dangerous places, the master climber would help light a fire under them with a pep talk! Wait, no, the fire was the pep talk.
And since chimneys were also narrow, it was in the master sweeps’ best interest to starve the child.
“Tee-hee, I haven’t eaten in weeks!”
But hey, look at those snazzy dressers! At least they got to be the Don Draper of the huddled masses, almost always wearing top hats and tails. They were probably so smug, striding around in their fancy clothes that they got as cast offs from funeral directors. Then when the black lung or whatever disease made kids fall down chimneys came for them, they didn’t even have to change clothes!
Small creatures make great little vacuums – ask any dog owner who’s ever spilled hot dog juice on the kitchen floor. The same goes for children. Back in the 19th century, textile mills hired children to run around the factory 24/7, picking up debris and loose pieces of cotton. Called “Mill Scavengers,” these tykes lapped up the proverbial hot dog water, except this hot dog water lay beneath giant, spinning death wheels.
“Where did Jimmy go? I dunno, but he better have gotten that piece of cotton.”
In fact, textile spinners made such good kiddy maulers, scavengers were reported to be ”constantly in a state of grief, always in terror.”
As you may have guessed, most mill scavengers were orphans adopted by the factory owners, which makes forced labor and child endangerment a family business. It’s like Little Orphan Annie except without the money, happy ending or there being a tomorrow part.
It probably would have been easier to just turn off all the machines at the end of the day, then sweep everything up at once but it wasn’t that easy because fuck you, kid, that’s why.
Kids were pretty much lint screens that can feel terror and scream.
Without exposure to fresh air, children were susceptible to a multitude of health problems. You know, like cancer. Scavengers were not allowed to sit, rest or take a break while the mills ran. And the mills ran all day. And on Sundays? Those were usually spent cleaning the giant death wheels that terrified them so much.
An artist’s rendering of the noble sacrifices made to clean up lint.
What could make this worse? Worse than forcing an orphan to work in a noisy, unventilated factory, crawling under spinning manglers to pick up tiny bits of trash? Oh yeah, scalping.
While crawling under all those spinning wheels, if a child’s hair got too close to the machinery their hair got sucked in, separating their skull cap rather efficiently from their head. If the child wasn’t lucky enough to die, at least when it came time to play Cowboys and Indians they were way ahead of the game.
And possibly this guy. He seems old and prone to wheelchair use.
It seems like only yesterday we found out about Rihanna and Rob Kardashian, but already there’s a new random celebrity couple to rub it in our faces that the rich only bang the rich. Although, this one’s not hugely surprising considering Russell Brand would bang a hobo to kill time, but then again, he turned down Katy Perry‘s money in the divorce, so I have no idea what Geri Halliwell‘s doing here. Via Radar Online:
“Things are getting very serious between them — they’re a proper couple now. They had met several times in the past, but really got to know each other during the Olympics,” a source told the British paper.
“People thought Russell was joking at the time, when he said he had a crush on Geri all over again, but it was true.
“They just clicked — they have so much in common.
“He is spending so much more time in London just to be with her.”
GERI: Oh, Russell, you make me feel so young again.
RUSSELL: That’s nice. *crosses name off list* You wouldn’t happen to know where Baby Spice lives, would you?
GERI: Of course, why do you as- NO. You’ll never do it you, you know?
RUSSELL: I have to try.
RUSSELL: You wouldn’t understand.
GERI: Try me.
RUSSELL: … I’m a sex addict.
GERI: That’s it?
RUSSELL: What do you mean that’s it? I just had sex with a geriatric, you twit. How do you think that makes me feel? Inside my pockets is bloody rope just in case the sporty one’s a lesbian. A really, really strong lesbian.
GERI: I had no idea it was that hard for you.
RUSSELL: Well, I had no idea you went through menopause, so be a love and give me that address and we’ll call it even.
I’m sorry but I will always be a weird Belly Button man – Russel Brand
You knew it was coming … and now, so does Prince Harry – a multi-million dollar offer to get down and dirty in a Adult movie … courtesy of the biggest Adult studio on the planet.
Vivid Entertainment honcho Steve Hirsch just fired off a letter to the royal palace in London — offering Prince Harry $10 million to star in a big budget adult film called “The Trouble with Harry” … thanks to his recent naked romp in Vegas.
According to the letter, the film would also star “little Harry” and would feature some REAL royal carousing — in the form of full-on boning.
Hirsch writes, “We assure you the adult tape will be well-scripted, and the crown jewels will not be ‘minimized’ in any way.”
God save the peen.
Justin Bieber is such a prankster! He recently hacked his friend Alfredo Flores’ Instagram and posted this pic of him flexing his muscles! Keep reading to see what he said!
Director Alfredo Flores, who travels around the world with Justin Bieber, must have left his phone in the wrong place at the wrong time — The Biebs got his hands on it and posted a photo on Alfredo’s Instagram!
Justin posted “Welcome to the gunshow #Hacked” with this muscle-fueled pic! Justin can hack our phone anytime if he’s going to post pics like this!
A moving truck was spotted outside Selena’s house on August 17! Do YOU think she’s moving in with Justin? See the pic and find out all the details!
Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber may finally be moving in together as a truck was spotted outside Selena’s home on Friday August 17!
Could it finally be happening? We can’t help but jump for joy at the idea of Justin and Selena merging their belongings into a cute mansion together!
The truck pulled up outside Selena’s Encino, California home as paparazzi took photos.
Moving is definitely not a secret celebrities can keep. Just ask Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart!
Here’s 19-year-old (Seemed like a good idea to point that out.) Selena Gomez sunbathing in Orlando over the weekend and, okay, fine, looking not pregnant. And while I’m being completely honest, its time all of us stop lying to ourselves about Justin Bieber hitting this and start focusing on harvesting His power. I’m talking literally consuming His body thus becoming one with His magic because, trust me, transubstantiation ain’t cutting it. Which is surprising for a Roman Catholic concept that I’m using to take something from a young boy, but I digress. The important thing is I’ve been covering Communion wafers in maple syrup all morning, and I haven’t touched a single Italian-Mexican hybrid boob yet. Unless they feel like diabetes, in which case, they be all up in my face, making my feet not feel no more.
If you’re sitting at a job you hate right now and/or having financial problems, now would be a good time to maybe read something less depressing like the third shooting in under a month or Sylvester Stallone talking about his dead son because here’s TMZ reporting that Lindsay Lohan somehow made $2 million this year:
Sources directly involved in Lindsay’s finances have given us the breakdown:
– Playboy (December issue but she was paid in 2012) $1 Million
– “Liz and Dick” Lifetime movie — $300,000
– “The Canyons” — $6,480 (scale)
– “Scary Movie” (Lindsay is about to sign on) — $200,000
In addition, Lindsay was paid for her appearance on “Glee.” And she’s pulling in money for being the face of Philipp Plein. But wait, there’s more. Lindsay is also getting $$$ for endorsing Jag Jeans. And she makes $2,000 — $10,000 per tweet endorsement for several companies.
As to how that money is spent, here’s our exclusive breakdown based entirely on conjecture and handsome wit:
80% – Lawyers
10% – Dina
10% – Coke
So based on those incredibly accurate numbers, don’t be fooled by the pics of Lindsay pretending to take her little brother shopping because it doesn’t count if you ask the person you’re shopping for how much storage space his/her colon has. Unless we’re talking Coco, in which case it’d be insulting not to ask. She’s a person, too, you know.
Everyone in the health community seems to be grossed out by the mere thought of one thing in particular: body fat. Fat has become a honorary “four letter” word (even though it only has 3 letters). If more people would take the time to understand the facts about body fat, and how vital it is to human existence, then perhaps their attitudes would shift to something more positive.
Why should you be more positive about fat? Isn’t fat gross? Here’s why:
Knowing more about this topic will help you to shed excess body fat and gain a new appreciation for the body fat you have!
One of the main reasons we have body fat is to keep us from starving, for example when food is scarce. There’s really nothing mystical about this fact of fat. It’s just energy our body has set aside for later use. Some people get grossed out thinking of fat as cottage cheese-like dimples on the backs of our thighs — instead, think of fat as the battery that keeps the adorable pink energizer bunny going…and going…and going.
Understanding how your body metabolizes fat can get confusing when you throw science, percentages, and numbers into the equation. But it all boils down to this: don’t eat more calories than you will need to function. If you do, your body will store that extra energy as fat. To lose weight, you need to eat around 3,500 calories less than your body is burning off.
Most men absolutely love a woman with a good amount of well-distributed body fat. It’s odd that so many women hate the curves that fat gives their body when men clearly worship those curves. Nature designed a woman’s body this way for a reason, ladies. So quit fighting those last few pounds and start celebrating this fact of life.
Fat helps with hormone regulation. If a woman’s body fat falls below a certain percentage, she won’t be able to become pregnant, carry the baby to term or feed the baby after the delivery. In other words, fat is necessary for babies to be born!
Here’s some good news: you get to say good-bye to making new fat cells right around the time you stop reaching for zit cream. You read that correctly. You usually don’t gain more fat cells after your teen years. How’s that for something to celebrate?
Here’s the bad news: the fat cells you have can increase ten times in size! Unless you literally want to give the Michelin Man a run for his money, it would be wise to think about what you put into your body. Of course, it would be smart to think about moving around as much as you can as well. Chasing a gallon of ice cream with a 6 pack of Yoo-Hoo is not “OK” just because you worked out today.
Since the penis does not contain any fat cells, it will not get larger if a man gains weight. In fact, it can actually shrink or lose functionality thanks to extreme weight gain. It seems unfair that the women’s body parts do increase in size as the number on the scale goes up. But when you really think about this, the ladies are getting the short end of the stick on this deal.
No matter what that weight loss product promises you, the simple fact is that you can’t remove body fat from a specific area. You also can’t perform specific exercises to lose fat from targeted parts of your body. It’s impossible. Your body is designed to lose fat slowly from all over. Only a plastic surgeon can suck the fat out of a specific area of your body, and that’s a dangerous and painful process.
Thinking stimulates the brain to tell the body it is hungry. So thinking too much can actually make you fat. Well, not exactly. As long as you eat smart and look for opportunities to stay active, you won’t become a fat head!